Thursday, 18 October 2012

What I found about having good discussions


“This is the most stupid thing, I have ever heard.” “You must be an idiot.” “Where do you live, a cave?”

These unkind statements and words are usually said when people have strong opinions, but can’t seem to get others to agree with them. Sometimes these heated arguments may degenerate into fist fights and other forms of brawling. The best technology company in the world, the right religion or who is better Christiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi: are just some of the issues people can’t seem to agree, but love to discuss with more or the same results-quarrels.

Acknowledging that avoiding argument turning into quarrels is very important, and in this article I will try discuss how one can and why they should learn to avoid such a situation based on my experience.

One way, one should approach disagreements is that feeling strongly about any issue does not make you right. Just because you think that your religion is the right one does not make it right, probably only the dead know. Having this mindset will make it easy for you to accept that you may not always be right and others may be right –which reduces the urge to convince others to agree with your opinions even if they do not.

Arguments lead to quarrels, and quarrels are not good for your relationship. Realizing that arguments may adversely affect your relationship is important because it might help you learn when to amicably quit a discussion before it has degenerated into a full scale war of words. Every time you have an argument, think about your relationship, you always find yourself withdrawing from an argument or careful choosing what you say to the next person.

People come from different backgrounds, culture and are by nature different so about have different opinions on issue. One may think that classic is the best type of music and it would be no use trying to convince that hip hop is the best type of music to that person- it’s completely unnecessary and naïve to even think that way because music is subjective. Understanding that will help avoid unnecessary arguments on things you may never agree.

Also understanding that if other people disagree with you, it does not mean that they think you are stupid, will go along the way in helping you agree to disagree. Attaching your ego to discussion may make it difficult to listen to any point that seems to disagree with what you think, as it may seem as an attack on your intelligence.

Moreover, acknowledging that discussions may widen your horizon of thinking may help avoid turning discussions into a must win affair. Approaching discussion with an open mind may help learn and realize new things that you haven’t thought about or observed. In trying to win discussion or trying very hard to prove that you are right you may end  up missing a lot of insights that you might gain.

Learning to be respectful of other people’s ideas, feelings and opinions is very important in avoiding discussion turning into scuffles or worse. Even if the other person is completely, ruthlessly dismissing what they have said with scorn will most of the time lead to other person being emotional-which cause scuffles. Careful choice of words is helpful when you want to disagree as most of the time if put across nicely your point, no one will get emotional.

Why we may feel the urge to argue, get emotional over issues, we must exercise self-control in order to avoid destroying our relationships, fights and all other negative effects of heated arguments.

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